Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
