i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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