We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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