Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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