with your own penis?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
