Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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