i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
