Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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