i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
