I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
