Jerry, you need to find god
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
