someone get that fucking seahorse.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize