a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
