no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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