I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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