I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
