tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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