I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
