i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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