cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
