I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He has the fingertips of a God
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