stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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