You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
