I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
