you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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