Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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