Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
