There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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