i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
