she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
