My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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