Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize