then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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