i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
