I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
