thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
