i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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