I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
