Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
