Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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