HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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