i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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