I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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