dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
