Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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