if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
