Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
