I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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