so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
