he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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