She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
