Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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