i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you traded sex for a burrito?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
