The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
