Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
