I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
