you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i dont even know how to be here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
